I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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