saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
