After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
