May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
