I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
