I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
