remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
