I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
