So drunk its hurt
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
