they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
