Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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