If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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