we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My pussy is not your playground.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
