Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
