Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
