So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didn't notice because vodka
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
