yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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