what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
