grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
