if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
