my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
