well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
