as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
