I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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