WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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