shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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