I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
