Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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