if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
