I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
