Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
