Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
