On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
