Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
