You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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