She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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