Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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