question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Terrible idea I love it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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