I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
