I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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