Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
