Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
