he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
