my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
