if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
