I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
