And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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