I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
