I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
