well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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