I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
